A big part of why I have created this blog is to share my journey as a writer. One of the things I love to do is share my successes and my passion for creating stories, however I feel like I have not truly expressed my struggles in this craft. Today I am going to do that. To be honest, I am scared to write this piece because I am going to be completely open and honest. Many people may not like it and it is nerve wracking for me to talk about this because I am the type of person who doesn’t speak of their troubles. To anyone. I bottle it up and keep it in, but here goes nothing. Keep in mind, this s**t may get depressing.
The rub is that I believe I am a writer despite not being published. I write words to a page and I build worlds as well as people with my mind. Does that not equal what a writer is or does? Apparently not to most people. The other funny thing is that I am working as a copywriter at the moment, thus I am employed to write. How about now? Am I considered a writer? No. Not to most people. It is so bloody heartbreaking. I am alone in this and that is why I created this blog, to create a community of likeminded people and you know what, I have found it. I have met people online who actually understand and encourage my writing. I cannot thank them enough because they are my shining stars in these dark moments in my life.
I am torn between what I believe and what people are saying to me. Today, I started to believe all the negative people and I thought to myself, why am I doing this? They are right, I should just quit. I am not helping anyone or impacting lives. Screw writing and screw my blog. It got pretty dark. That was the first time in my life that I thought I should quit. Today was the first time in my life where I thought maybe I should give up writing because no one will ever care or read my words.
I know I will soldier on and keep writing, even if I stop now (which I won’t) I will always come back to it because I always do. I can’t live without writing, it’s who I am. Still, I can’t help but be human and be affected by all the people who think it is a phase. Well, it is not a phase, I have been writing in secret since I was a child and continue until my hair is grey. I guess, I knew that it would be like this and that is why I never told anyone what I was doing beforehand. The fact that I kept it a secret for so long was so that people wouldn’t tell me that I was not a legitimate writer. I feel like I can’t blame people because they don’t share the same passion as me and because they don’t understand what it means to write. However, I just don’t feel like I have the energy anymore to explain because they won’t hear the words anyway.
I will try to explain nevertheless, because I am a stubborn mule like that and I always need to get my point across (yes, I am that annoying person). I cannot stand for this superficial support and feigned understanding any more. It is not only that, but I suppose I feel like perhaps I am not making a difference? I know I have only been blogging for a little while, but I do feel like I am impacting some people. It may not be many, but if I can support one person I feel like it will be worth it. Maybe I can help someone achieve their dreams and get their voice heard. To me, that would be the greatest gift, to impact someone’s life. I want to help, but am I really? Uh, so many conflicting thoughts and emotions.
Now that my heart is less burdened I will conclude this post and hope that I have not made you feel depressed! I hope that you come away from reading this long winded rant with a sense that you are not alone in this, I am here for you and we share the same feelings. We cannot let people dictate how we feel or project their fears onto us. Let’s be strong together! If you need any support or need a talk about anything just DM me on Instagram or fill in the contact form on this site.